Monday, June 22, 2009

Four months

I can't believe I've not posted anything in four months - but that's when it all started.
I left on the 21st of February - gone on a previously planned trip to see my sister.
I was on the phone with him when he got home and saw the couch missing.

Four months later, he is doing well. In his own apartment, keeping our daughter 3 nights a week and has lady friends spend the night. (my daughter's comment).
(Perhaps we can actually file first?) I did call and have the appropriate boundaries talk.
(he has 4 nights to do whatever he will, but his 3 nights are reserved for her!)

Well, thank the Lord for therapy. It's served me well these past 5 years.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Day Five - after a long weekend

My love dare came to a screeching halt this weekend. While I continued to hold my negative comments, I went very quickly to the room in my mind that justifies my hurt.
This was a final straw for me.

My mind raced with the the repeated phrases from trusted friends "he will never change," "this will only get worse," and "he will drag you down with him."

Friday, February 6, 2009

Day Four

Love is thoughtful. That is certainly true. And I revealed my true self there yesterday!
My homework today is to call him in the middle of the day just to check on him. This (i predict) won't go over well. I'm never supposed to call him at work unless I need something.
I will use the excuse of asking if he's invited anyone to join us at the catfish house tonight.
whew. here goes.

well, he was too busy to talk. I will have to call him later.
or better yet, I will wait for him to call me.

It amazes me how many times Jesus calls on us and we are too busy. Ignoring Him or "sending Him to voicemail" or not feeling like dealing with our own guilt. If we only knew that He wanted to just say hello and that He was thinking of us. wow.

Day Three, part two

Day three went well. I didn't get tickets to a basketball game. I needed to pick up pain meds for him (after his trip to the dentist).
He requested that I get him a snack. Now, in the 6 + years of our marriage, I've never purchased junk food for our home. I would on occasion pick up a sweeter box of cereal or the small bite size 99 cent package of little candy bars. I would eat one or two and Tre' would eat the rest.
My gift to him (i'm not kidding) was a cart FULL of his favorite foods! I spent 77 dollars on JUNK FOOD! I roamed up and down the aisles and if I knew he liked it, I got it! He LOVED it!
He was so impressed he told his friends! who knew! I guess I should have known! ha!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Day Three

well, day two went fine. I didn't make negative comments and I made his favorite cookies. I also handed him the book. I will continue reading ahead of him, but I need him to take some initiative. (yes, i've been well advised!!)

today's dare is to show that i've thought of him by purchasing a gift. something NICE that says I was really thinking about him. This is where I trip up. not only am I not able to buy the lovey dovey cards at the store (because i don't feel that way), but I don't think often of him.

this means that i can NOT go to my store downstairs and purchase anything! he's not a fan of lw.
but i've got to spend money here! suppose i get tickets to a basketball game. that would also mean that i have to go with him. that's doable, i suppose. i know he would love it.

well, guess i will check that off the list for the day! i appreciate the lesson i am learning here, the pain of sacrifice. the pain of patience and waiting. the aggravation of going completely against your own will. God will plant his seeds and teach me well. I have no doubt.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Must remind myself every day!

In all your ways acknowledge Him.

Do not lean on your understanding,
do not lean on your plan and schemes,
do not lean on self reservation.
Lean into His Love.

Do not trust your feelings of rejection,
do not trust your feelings of defeat,
do not trust in all your speculations.
Trust the only One Who leads.

In all your ways acknowledge Him and say I trust You Lord with all my heart!